On our recent last-minute travels to Kansas, Nebraska, and Colorado, htd and I found ourselves with many, many road trip hours to kill. The first leg of our journey was spent navigating the backroads of Denver to avoid toll roads and evening rush hour traffic, catching each other up on the minutiae of our lives, heartily singing along to some good tunes, avoiding hitting all manner of wild animals (including five rabbits, seven deer, a fox, and a very near miss of an ambling skunk), actually (and unavoidably) hitting a couple of frogs mid-hop with a hearty *thunk*, and discovering that I must have daydreamed and doodled through various segments of seventh grade Earth Science.
Even more driving ensued in the days that followed and it's safe to say, come Sunday evening and mile 800 or so of our seemingly endless journey, we were running short on conversation topics. Thankfully we had recently viewed the roller derby movie Whip It. In case you've never seen the movie, it's important to know that roller derby chicks come up with "badass" aliases that they skate under, usually based on pop culture and wordplay; in the movie, they had names like Smashley Simpson, Babe Ruthless, Maggie Mayhem, and my personal favorite - Princess Slaya'. And so...
The Time: Sunday evening.
The People: Kristen and her htd.
The Setting: Rented, powder blue Nissan Versa. I-80. Somewhere in western Nebraska. It's quiet in the car.
Kristen: So what would your roller derby name be?
HTD: Hmmm... that's a good question. Ummm...
[both thinking]
Kristen: Maim Judy Dench
HTD: Tom Brokejaw. But for a boy derby-er.
K: Lucille Ballbuster.
H: Tyra Shanks. Ellen Degenerate.
K: Ellen Degenerate! That's awesome.
[both try unsuccessfully to come up with a play on Portia de Rossi]
K: Umm... Scarred-up Johanssen.
H: Bloody Holly.
K: Lucille Bluth. No change necessary.
H: Ha! Vanessa Bludgeons.
K: Oh! I've got it. Are you ready?
H: Hit me.
K: Helen Killer.
[both dissolve into hysterical laughter]
Aaaaaaaand scene.
4 comments:
Note: We also came up with Team names, including Death Cab by Cuties, Huey Lewis and the Bruise, Axel Hoes, and the Black Eyed Tease. :)
Ho. Lee. Crap. That was hilarious. Next time... take me with you! :) Either that, or add the second 100 miles and trek down to NC.
Oops. It's still early and pre-coffee... I missed a zero. Ah well.
WV: nonfrat - what I proudly was in college, having escaped the social stigma of joining the Greek system.
Lollerskates!!! I wish I wuz funny :)
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