While Bing Crosby Gently Weeps

OR, A Twitter Conversation That Virtually Doubled My Tweet Count

A lone tweet by my awesomely funny friend Will sparked quite the conversation this evening, the timing of which couldn't have been better. Let me explain.

I love Christmas music. I start listening to it the day after Thanksgiving (no sooner, though - sacrilege!) and continue until New Years, when I stop cold turkey. That's just the way it is. I have quite a few Christmas albums that I love, lots of happy memories of my mom's classic Christmas tapes (remember the one with the red roses or whatever on it, htd?), and a local radio station that plays nonstop Christmas music for a month. Unfortunately, the latter of these three musical options can come with some unpleasant side effects.

Case in point: this morning, as I was driving to work listening to 99.9 "Your Holiday Station", I was hit in rapid succession by no less than three of my least favorite Christmas songs of all time. As I suffered through Springsteen growling about Santa Claus' creeper tendencies and inevitable arrival in my city, I thought "I should do a blog post on my least favorite Christmas songs." And then, 14 hours later, this conversation happened:

Will, to the twitterverse: My wife's explication of the lyrics of Santa Baby is much dirtier than my own. o_O She just ruined a Christmas classic.

Kristen: Madonna's version is my second-least favorite Christmas song ever, preceded only by that effing Christmas Shoes song. Shudder.

Will: Grandma. Reindeer. Hit-and-run. Where does this rate?

Kristen: Tied for third with that severely-overplayed instrumental version of Sleigh Ride with the trumpet "horse whinny" at the end.

Will: ah, the one played by every mediocre high school band in America. Concur with your rankings thus far, but can I get a top 10?

And if Mannheim Steamroller isn't on it somewhere, then we're not friends.

Kristen: 5) any song involving a modern day artist magically singing a duet with a classic recording.

6) Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen

7) barking dog Jingle Bells; 8) Auld Lang Syne Millennium Mix - Kenny G; 9) "jazzy" versions of Little Drummer Boy

10) anything with talking/singing children. I know they're going for sweet, but it always, always makes the song 76% creepier.

I'm sorry, I can't include Mannheim Steamroller on the list. The albums bring back happy childhood memories. I will miss you.

Will, to the twitterverse: One of @kristenlarson's most endearing qualities is that she never shies away from a challenge to make a top 10 list.

Will: I call foul. #8 is a New Years song.

Kristen: Hm, true. But they still play it on the All Christmas All The Time radio station. If it helps, you can replace it with...

8*) Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney

Will, referring to Mannheim Steamroller: Me too on happy memories, but have you listened lately? It's TERRIBLÉ (as in, so bad it requires a pretentious accent mark).

Kristen: Wow, it must be horrible. Sad. Although, I'm imagining you saying TERRIBLÉ with a thick French accent, so that's helping.

Will: I'm spitting thrice over my right shoulder after saying it. Why? Because twice isn't good enough.

Kristen: if only you were sporting a thin little mustache and smoking a cigarette... #stereotypesarefun

Fin.

In Case You Were Wondering

All...both of you.

I chose this pattern.

That Light That You See When You Die?

Pretty sure that's just reflecting off the big, Heavenly disco ball.

I shot this video back in August when I was searching for a Baptism gift for my godson. It boggles the mind.



I like to imagine that the idea for this...treasure evolved a little something like this:

Product designer sits in a meeting, gazing off into space...

Jesus loves me, this I know... Jesus loves me. That's pretty cool. But you know what else Jesus loves? Disco. I am absolutely positive that listening to the Heavenly angel chorus is like being front row center at a Bee Gees concert. I mean, that guy who always stood in the middle even looks a little bit like Jesus. So what if we, like, COMBINED the two somehow? ~gasp~ Synergy! So we start with a bear that is kind of like those little animals filled with beans that were super-popular a few years ago - but, like, the CHRISTIAN version, because it will have a cross upon its noble chest. Don't forget about the cross; we're going to come back to that. So this awesome, Christian, notaBeanieBaby bear will actually PLAY Jesus Loves Me when you press his little paw. I know. It's adorable AND holy. Then. THEN. You guys. When the music starts, that cross that I mentioned before? You know the one. That cross will start to FLASH AND FLICKER AND OMG IT'S LIKE DONNA SUMMER IS SMILING DOWN FROM HEAVEN! What? Oh, she's not dead? YAY! Where was I... Right. So, cuddly bear, beloved tune, flashing disco cross. This is going to be huge. Now I know how those Apple guys felt when they invented the iPod. It's oddly unsettling...

And no, I did not buy this for Jonathan. It's a decision I regret every. single. day.

Mostly For HTD

because we've always been like *this.* [hand motion between foreheads]

I stumbled across this chat conversation today while searching my email archives. It made me laugh.

The back story: a year or so ago, htd attended a reading by an author from London. Apparently, his accent was glorious, as most English accents are. The discussion continued...

htd: He was quite beautiful as well. It was a treat for the eyes AND the ears.
kristen: haha!
h: His father was Lebanese and his mother was English. That made for nice looking offspring. ha ha
k: i would imagine so.
Englanese
Lebanish
h: I like Lebanish. It sounds like he was kind of Lebanese...which is true
k: i thought the same thing
h: as per usual
k: true. true.

:)

My Orthopaedic Anomaly

You have to pronounce that "ortho-pay-dic."

[reading intervention letter aloud]
"Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia', not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey—and that's 'douch-ey', not 'douch-ay'."

--Robin Scherbatsky

So I had an x-ray a week or so ago to make sure my arm was not broken by its unfortunate meeting with an SUV and the ground. The results conclusively showed that my bones were intact.

Or WERE they?

Turns out I have a congenital anatomical anomaly in my scapula (aka shoulder blade) known as Os Acromiale. It's a condition where one of the growth plates in the acromion fails to fuse. Most people who have it don't even notice it, while others experience a lot of pain and limited range of motion. Luckily I fall into the first category, so in my case, the diagnosis is more of a "huh, interesting..." than anything else.

But here's the thing. This condition only occurs in about 8% of the population.

And of that 8%, it occurs most often in males.

In black males.

Sure.

So, you know, I've never won the lottery or anything but I've sure as heck got me an os acromiale.