A lone tweet by my awesomely funny friend Will sparked quite the conversation this evening, the timing of which couldn't have been better. Let me explain.
I love Christmas music. I start listening to it the day after Thanksgiving (no sooner, though - sacrilege!) and continue until New Years, when I stop cold turkey. That's just the way it is. I have quite a few Christmas albums that I love, lots of happy memories of my mom's classic Christmas tapes (remember the one with the red roses or whatever on it, htd?), and a local radio station that plays nonstop Christmas music for a month. Unfortunately, the latter of these three musical options can come with some unpleasant side effects.
Case in point: this morning, as I was driving to work listening to 99.9 "Your Holiday Station", I was hit in rapid succession by no less than three of my least favorite Christmas songs of all time. As I suffered through Springsteen growling about Santa Claus' creeper tendencies and inevitable arrival in my city, I thought "I should do a blog post on my least favorite Christmas songs." And then, 14 hours later, this conversation happened:
Will, to the twitterverse: My wife's explication of the lyrics of Santa Baby is much dirtier than my own. o_O She just ruined a Christmas classic.
Kristen: Madonna's version is my second-least favorite Christmas song ever, preceded only by that effing Christmas Shoes song. Shudder.
Will: Grandma. Reindeer. Hit-and-run. Where does this rate?
Kristen: Tied for third with that severely-overplayed instrumental version of Sleigh Ride with the trumpet "horse whinny" at the end.
Will: ah, the one played by every mediocre high school band in America. Concur with your rankings thus far, but can I get a top 10?
And if Mannheim Steamroller isn't on it somewhere, then we're not friends.
Kristen: 5) any song involving a modern day artist magically singing a duet with a classic recording.
6) Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen
7) barking dog Jingle Bells; 8) Auld Lang Syne Millennium Mix - Kenny G; 9) "jazzy" versions of Little Drummer Boy
10) anything with talking/singing children. I know they're going for sweet, but it always, always makes the song 76% creepier.
I'm sorry, I can't include Mannheim Steamroller on the list. The albums bring back happy childhood memories. I will miss you.
Will, to the twitterverse: One of @kristenlarson's most endearing qualities is that she never shies away from a challenge to make a top 10 list.
Will: I call foul. #8 is a New Years song.
Kristen: Hm, true. But they still play it on the All Christmas All The Time radio station. If it helps, you can replace it with...
8*) Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
Will, referring to Mannheim Steamroller: Me too on happy memories, but have you listened lately? It's TERRIBLÉ (as in, so bad it requires a pretentious accent mark).
Kristen: Wow, it must be horrible. Sad. Although, I'm imagining you saying TERRIBLÉ with a thick French accent, so that's helping.
Will: I'm spitting thrice over my right shoulder after saying it. Why? Because twice isn't good enough.
Kristen: if only you were sporting a thin little mustache and smoking a cigarette... #stereotypesarefun
Fin.
3 comments:
Sigh. So glad that both of you are in my life. If I had died without reading this, well...I would have gone to hell.
There. I said it.
wv - acted (I acted like aoh wait that's an actual word.)
will sounds like a splendid sort of person.
your list is maybe the EXACT conversation/grumblings sunshine and i have been having over our past 6 days of the 'all christmas all the time' station. especially *E*S*P*E*C*I*A*L*L*Y* that creepy effing Christmas Shoes song. i'm sorry, kenny rogers (?), but you can't throw a time cue in a (i assume) cancer song and call it a christmas song. even if you utilize the creepy children's choir at the end. and then the much creepier single child.
p.s. i TOTALLY have that christmas cassette tape in my car. :) everytime i hear the dolly parton song, i remember fighting with you over who got to lip sync into that weird little microphone mom and dad had.
b - That's John 3:16.2, right? :)
h - Your assessment of Will's splendidness is correct. And yes, the single child, singing with slightly echo-y, tremulous voice, is the creepiest vocalist in the musical realm. And the little microphone! I forgot about that! Where did that thing come from, I wonder?
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