Out Of My League

I just don't think i'm that fancy.

Some friends and I had a swim/dinner date tonight. The three of us utilize two different gym chains. Two of us attend...let's call it NYC Fitness. This is the gym where we normally meet. It's nice, but pretty basic. Nothing too exciting happening at NYC Fitness. But today...ah today we decided to change it up and meet at the other gym. The fancy gym. The gym that looks like a freakin' Arabian prince bought the Mayo clinic and turned it into his own private fitness facility. Bluebirds alight softly on its turrets and sing good morning songs to the magical golden butterflies that float through the atrium. We'll call it Forever Fitness.

After obtaining a guest pass online (a process in which, I'm pretty sure, I had to promise to give them my firstborn child and bring cupcakes to the upcoming Forever Fitness Staff retreat), our little trio met in the atrium of the palatial, glass-walled structure and proceeded to sign in. Now, at NYC Fitness, if you obtain an online guest pass, you show it at the front desk (or not), they scan the barcode (or not) and send you on in to have at it. But Forever Fitness has forms. Double carbon-copy forms, with questions about your fitness facility hopes and dreams, your insurance plan, your corporate wellness program, at what age you had your first kiss, how many miles per gallon your car currently gets, etc.

An hour and a half and two pencils (or, you know, five minutes) later, Stephen, with his crisply-pressed pants and snug black polo, handed us our guest pass cards and, in a soothing, hypnotic voice asked if we were interested in getting a tour of the facility. His hopeful smile beckoned us. His hands twitched towards the member registration forms. Luckily one of those golden butterflies must have floated by and broken our gaze or something, and we managed a "No thanks - our friend here [point to friend] is a member. We'll just check it out with her." And we were on our way to the locker rooms.

Some of the things we saw on the way to the locker room:
Health food cafe and nutrition boutique
Massage rooms
Spa and salon
Yoga studio
Tanning salon
Climbing wall
Unicorn

Upon reaching the marble and mahogany bedecked locker rooms, we changed into our swimsuits (utilizing the individual changing rooms located next to the mahogany lockers, of course), grabbed our large, plush towels provided free of charge, and headed to the pool.

But, ah! A quandry! Which pool? Should we swim in the indoor lap pool, with its sparkling, placid waters? Or perhaps we should skip the workout and simply pick one of the three-story, twisting, curving indoor waterslides to play on? Ah, but it's a lovely day, maybe we should swim luxurious laps in the sun-drenched outdoor lap pool? Or frolic in the wave pool and outdoor waterslides? Choices...

The outdoor areas were packed, so we chose the indoor lap lanes. After several lovely laps, we retired to one of the two grotto-like hot tub areas, where we relaxed in the delightfully bubbly, not-too-hot, beautiful-people-filled waters. We found a good spot to settle in and proceeded to chat away like we belonged there.

After we were sufficiently pruney, we took advantage of the individual, marble-walled showers, spiffed up, and headed back outside, the harsh glare of reality contrasting with the dark desert skies, the scent of Forever Fitness complimentary designer shampoo floating on the breeze...

And then we went to Olive Garden.