While Bing Crosby Gently Weeps

OR, A Twitter Conversation That Virtually Doubled My Tweet Count

A lone tweet by my awesomely funny friend Will sparked quite the conversation this evening, the timing of which couldn't have been better. Let me explain.

I love Christmas music. I start listening to it the day after Thanksgiving (no sooner, though - sacrilege!) and continue until New Years, when I stop cold turkey. That's just the way it is. I have quite a few Christmas albums that I love, lots of happy memories of my mom's classic Christmas tapes (remember the one with the red roses or whatever on it, htd?), and a local radio station that plays nonstop Christmas music for a month. Unfortunately, the latter of these three musical options can come with some unpleasant side effects.

Case in point: this morning, as I was driving to work listening to 99.9 "Your Holiday Station", I was hit in rapid succession by no less than three of my least favorite Christmas songs of all time. As I suffered through Springsteen growling about Santa Claus' creeper tendencies and inevitable arrival in my city, I thought "I should do a blog post on my least favorite Christmas songs." And then, 14 hours later, this conversation happened:

Will, to the twitterverse: My wife's explication of the lyrics of Santa Baby is much dirtier than my own. o_O She just ruined a Christmas classic.

Kristen: Madonna's version is my second-least favorite Christmas song ever, preceded only by that effing Christmas Shoes song. Shudder.

Will: Grandma. Reindeer. Hit-and-run. Where does this rate?

Kristen: Tied for third with that severely-overplayed instrumental version of Sleigh Ride with the trumpet "horse whinny" at the end.

Will: ah, the one played by every mediocre high school band in America. Concur with your rankings thus far, but can I get a top 10?

And if Mannheim Steamroller isn't on it somewhere, then we're not friends.

Kristen: 5) any song involving a modern day artist magically singing a duet with a classic recording.

6) Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen

7) barking dog Jingle Bells; 8) Auld Lang Syne Millennium Mix - Kenny G; 9) "jazzy" versions of Little Drummer Boy

10) anything with talking/singing children. I know they're going for sweet, but it always, always makes the song 76% creepier.

I'm sorry, I can't include Mannheim Steamroller on the list. The albums bring back happy childhood memories. I will miss you.

Will, to the twitterverse: One of @kristenlarson's most endearing qualities is that she never shies away from a challenge to make a top 10 list.

Will: I call foul. #8 is a New Years song.

Kristen: Hm, true. But they still play it on the All Christmas All The Time radio station. If it helps, you can replace it with...

8*) Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney

Will, referring to Mannheim Steamroller: Me too on happy memories, but have you listened lately? It's TERRIBLÉ (as in, so bad it requires a pretentious accent mark).

Kristen: Wow, it must be horrible. Sad. Although, I'm imagining you saying TERRIBLÉ with a thick French accent, so that's helping.

Will: I'm spitting thrice over my right shoulder after saying it. Why? Because twice isn't good enough.

Kristen: if only you were sporting a thin little mustache and smoking a cigarette... #stereotypesarefun

Fin.

In Case You Were Wondering

All...both of you.

I chose this pattern.

That Light That You See When You Die?

Pretty sure that's just reflecting off the big, Heavenly disco ball.

I shot this video back in August when I was searching for a Baptism gift for my godson. It boggles the mind.



I like to imagine that the idea for this...treasure evolved a little something like this:

Product designer sits in a meeting, gazing off into space...

Jesus loves me, this I know... Jesus loves me. That's pretty cool. But you know what else Jesus loves? Disco. I am absolutely positive that listening to the Heavenly angel chorus is like being front row center at a Bee Gees concert. I mean, that guy who always stood in the middle even looks a little bit like Jesus. So what if we, like, COMBINED the two somehow? ~gasp~ Synergy! So we start with a bear that is kind of like those little animals filled with beans that were super-popular a few years ago - but, like, the CHRISTIAN version, because it will have a cross upon its noble chest. Don't forget about the cross; we're going to come back to that. So this awesome, Christian, notaBeanieBaby bear will actually PLAY Jesus Loves Me when you press his little paw. I know. It's adorable AND holy. Then. THEN. You guys. When the music starts, that cross that I mentioned before? You know the one. That cross will start to FLASH AND FLICKER AND OMG IT'S LIKE DONNA SUMMER IS SMILING DOWN FROM HEAVEN! What? Oh, she's not dead? YAY! Where was I... Right. So, cuddly bear, beloved tune, flashing disco cross. This is going to be huge. Now I know how those Apple guys felt when they invented the iPod. It's oddly unsettling...

And no, I did not buy this for Jonathan. It's a decision I regret every. single. day.

Mostly For HTD

because we've always been like *this.* [hand motion between foreheads]

I stumbled across this chat conversation today while searching my email archives. It made me laugh.

The back story: a year or so ago, htd attended a reading by an author from London. Apparently, his accent was glorious, as most English accents are. The discussion continued...

htd: He was quite beautiful as well. It was a treat for the eyes AND the ears.
kristen: haha!
h: His father was Lebanese and his mother was English. That made for nice looking offspring. ha ha
k: i would imagine so.
Englanese
Lebanish
h: I like Lebanish. It sounds like he was kind of Lebanese...which is true
k: i thought the same thing
h: as per usual
k: true. true.

:)

My Orthopaedic Anomaly

You have to pronounce that "ortho-pay-dic."

[reading intervention letter aloud]
"Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia', not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey—and that's 'douch-ey', not 'douch-ay'."

--Robin Scherbatsky

So I had an x-ray a week or so ago to make sure my arm was not broken by its unfortunate meeting with an SUV and the ground. The results conclusively showed that my bones were intact.

Or WERE they?

Turns out I have a congenital anatomical anomaly in my scapula (aka shoulder blade) known as Os Acromiale. It's a condition where one of the growth plates in the acromion fails to fuse. Most people who have it don't even notice it, while others experience a lot of pain and limited range of motion. Luckily I fall into the first category, so in my case, the diagnosis is more of a "huh, interesting..." than anything else.

But here's the thing. This condition only occurs in about 8% of the population.

And of that 8%, it occurs most often in males.

In black males.

Sure.

So, you know, I've never won the lottery or anything but I've sure as heck got me an os acromiale.

"To Get To That Line.

That damn line."

This is why people do Ironman.

2012 just might be my year...

...

Maybe.

My Abrasions

let me show you them.

From: Coach Steve
To: TNT Lavaman Triathlon Team
Date: Tue, Oct 26, 2010 at 9:35 PM
Subject: You Never Know What You Might Miss At A Team Workout!

[blah blah blah - weekly workout stuff]

Now, this is where some of you missed the fun! Saturday’s ride was lightly attended. However, there was a considerable amount of good information provided by your captain, Kristen.

Kristen, being the great leader that she is, demonstrated the importance of wearing a helmet! Now, for those of you who were not there, I don’t think that she will be repeating the demonstration any time soon. Some of you are probably wondering what I am talking about at this point. Well, you see, with two miles left in the ride, Kristen was hit by an SUV. Before you think that I am too callous, understand that Kristen is doing very well thanks to her helmet and, with some of my own literary liberties, has approved the writing of her story! She has some cuts and bruises and is definitely sore. We are not yet sure how her bike is faring. She will be at the swim practice tomorrow night to recount her story. However, this is also a clear demonstration of a fundraiser as the lady who hit Kristen told her that she would sponsor her in her event. So, as you can see, Kristen has gone to the extreme for the Team; not only has she shown you how necessary a helmet is, she has also demonstrated how to raise some money for the cause!

Ok, seriously, now. We are very happy that Kristen is fine and certainly do not recommend that anyone relive her experience. We make every effort to provide for your safety and now you can truly understand why we say that you need to always be wearing a helmet!

Thank you for all that you do to help us find a cure!

Yeah.

Finally got the x-ray results and heard from the bike shop today. The final tally:

Sizeable abrasions: 4.
Massive bruises: 2.
Arm: officially not broken. Hooray!
Helmet: cracked and dented.
Bike: totaled. I'll miss you, Firebolt. :(
Overall: super lucky.

I got hit (and landed) on my right side. My shoulder/upper arm is pretty messed up (but thank goodness for no fracture!). Unfortunately, this means I can't do the triathlon that I'm registered for on November 7th. One-armed swimming is not my forte. Also, it'll be a few weeks before my bike can be rebuilt. I'm super-bummed.

BUT! My next Team in Training tri isn't for another five months. I'm hoping in a couple weeks I'll be good as new and ready to get back at this thing. Holy sheesh - how amazing is that? I get full-on broadsided by a Mercury Mountaineer (her fault) and walk away with some scrapes and bruises? Big thanks to God and to the good people of the Bell helmet company.

Wear your helmet, people! And give a little to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society if you're so inclined. Hey, some good has to come of this, right? :)