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Advice from the Happy Hippopotamus

VULTURES! You're all VULTURES!

I'm not talking about you guys. This is simply being shouted out into the void. In the past three days, I have received no less than five phone calls from people who heard my apartment was going to be available soon. Apparently, after my oh-so-successful cookoutbarbecuepartything, word got around that my place is pretty sweet and thus all the incoming medical illustration students are trying to put first dibs on the place. Of course my landlord is thrilled since he has three apartments in this house that will be coming available soon.

After the first slew of calls, the guy I heard from first called back. Turns out he's going to take the place and wanted to know if I'd be willing to sell any of my furniture. Having already promised the couch and chair to my friend Kathy, I asked what all he had in mind. He proceeded to name everything from my bed to my curtains. Anything else? How about a nice kidney? My soul, perhaps?

Not two minutes after this conversation, my friend Kathy called. She was "just wondering" if I'd be taking my coffee table (a cool wicker chest my mom and I found) with me when I leave. She proceeded to outline this whole plan that involved putting her books inside the chest so she could take down her bookshelves and arrange her new couch and chair (MY old couch and chair) in a more company-friendly configuration. The vehemence of my "I'm keeping it" may have startled her...

It's a strange feeling having your friends sitting around planning how they're going to use your stuff once you're gone. It would be like if I went back to Nebraska and wandered through my parents' house eagerly eying their furniture and saying things like "Wow, I can't wait until you kick the bucket so I can use this beautiful handmade china hutch to display my porcelain unicorn collection*." Not that I'm comparing my Salvation Army-find wicker chest to my Mom's china hutch, but you know...

*To be clear, I do not now, nor have I ever, had a porcelain unicorn collection. I was being facetious. Now Haley, on the other hand...