Old Emails

New laughs

So I've been reading back through my old, old e-mail archives at random; just seeing what was going on in my life worth writing about in the past seven years or so. It's been pretty fun, mostly because I keep running across awesome things that I had totally forgotten about. These are some of those things.

1. The name of the rabbit my friend Jen and I dissected in our Comparative Chordate Anatomy lab our Junior year at Iowa State. What was it, you ask? I'll tell you. It was Pat the Wonder Rabbit. Oh yes. Pretty funny now, considering, you know...Pat and whatnot.

2. My discovery of the real live Beastmaster. Excerpt from an email to my friend Heath of the true account (Feb. 1, 2004):

Ah, and I'm sure you're wondering about the subject line. Well, I have visual proof that the Beastmaster truly does live. The fact that he lives in the student apartments on the ISU campus rather than the far reaches of the jungle is a bit disappointing. As is the fact that his name is probably Hank McGee, but still, it's pretty exciting stuff. I was walking back from class about two weeks ago, before the weather turned to crap, and there, in the middle of the grassy area between apartment buildings 60 and 44, was this guy holding a squirrel. Yes a live squirrel. He had it cupped in his hands and was talking to it. I couldn't hear the conversation, but I'm sure it would have terrified me to my very soul had I caught any of it. Anyway, they conversed for awhile, then the young man set the squirrel down on the ground and distinctly told him to "run along now." Then he gave me a little chin-up gesture and walked away.

3. My fears about life after college graduation (same e-mail):

This semester is really flying by - I'd probably be more excited if I knew what I'd be doing after I graduate. As of right now, I really don't know. Will you still be my friend if I don't get into grad school or find a job and have to work at McDonald's or become a prostitute? I'm thinking either way I'm not going to make much money, so I will rely on the wealth of the few friends I have to keep myself in uniform - either a red and yellow polo shirt and baseball cap/hairnet, or pasties, g-strings, and go-go boots. Either way it's not a pretty picture...

4. The time I got trapped between floors in an elevator my freshman year of college. The true account sent to my cousin Cassie.
(Feb. 21, 2001):

On Monday, I was in the Towers dorm visiting my friends Aunnee and Jerilyn who live on the 6th floor. Heading back to my own dorm, I get on the Towers elevator at around 6:25 and punch "1". Going down...going down...BOOM. Elevator stops. "Oh great" I think to myself. I punch all the buttons. Nothing. "AARRGGHH" I cry out to the empty elevator.

So, at about 6:30 I hit the call button that connects me to UNK elevator services. "Hello" the voice on the other line says. "Yes, I am stuck in an elevator on the second floor in CTE." "OK, we'll get someone right over there" the woman answers. So I pace the elevator with the hope that someone will come soon. I get extremely bored. I count things: 96 holes in the speaker/no smoking sign, 12.25 tiles on the floor, etc.

After about 20 minutes I call elevator services again. "Yes, I am still stuck in the elevator in CTE." "You mean nobody's come yet?" asks the lady. "Noooo" I reply. "OK, well we'll get them right over there." "Good." The lady hangs up. Now, in an elevator there is no button to push to "hang up" the intercom speaker so it makes that really annoying "the phone is off the hook" beeping noise. It does this 29 times before it stops.

About five minutes later, after nearly 35 min. of being stuck in an elevator by myself, the fire alarm goes off. Yes, the fire alarm. VERY loud, high-pitched noise in a small confined area. It goes off for 10 minutes straight. I am about to go nuts. I am getting VERY angry.

When the noise quits, I punch the button for the third time. "I have been stuck in this elevator for FORTY-SEVEN minutes (imagine this said with extreme annoyance). Is anyone going to get me out?" "Ummm...let me transfer you to public safety." "OH, yeah thanks, that'll help" I reply, my sarcasm coming to the forefront in response to my frustration. So public safety answers the phone and says "ok, well we've sent someone over to get you out." I very snippily reply "It is a small campus, it doesn't take that long." Both parties hang up.

Annoying phone beeps 29 more times. Fire alarm goes off at random intervals for the next ten minutes.

FINALLY, after an hour of being stuck in an elevator by myself, I am finally freed. But do the injustices end there? No they do not. The elevator is stuck in between floors. Second floor is at about the middle of my chest. So, while the elevator maintenance man and the public safety lady just stand there and watch, I heave myself out whilst wearing rather restrictive black dress pants, no less. Do they help me? No they do not.

I'll stop now. :)