Sometimes Anaphylaxis Is Just Nature's Way Of Telling You To Brush Up On Those Observational Skills

Seriously, people.

Why is it that things I buy at Walmart spark these types of posts? So I was waiting in line at Walmart today doing what any normal person does whilst waiting: surreptitiously reading the front covers of the tabloids while kinda trying not to look like I was reading them. After I'd taken a good look at the very first published pictures from Hell (people swimming in a lake of fire with a big fire waterfall pouring into it - Weekly World News, you guys), I began perusing the shelves o' crap near the register.

This is the place where you find all that stuff you didn't even know you needed. Impulse purchases reign supreme--battery powered personal body hair trimmers, jumbo-sized heavy duty Zip-loc baggies, 3-packs of travel tissues, large colorful translucent-plastic parrots (just kidding about the bird - you can only get those at I Love Lucite). They also boast a large selection of snack items. A small bag of pistachios caught my eye and I tossed them in the cart.
Upon returning home, I sorted and put away my grocery items. In honor of my new commitment to eating healthfully, I took a glance at the nutrition information on my bag o' nuts. The red allergen alert label caught my eye.
What the crap? Um yes, I would imagine that my bag of pistachios does indeed contain pistachios. Well spotted.

Now, I can understand why, say, on a can of soda they would put the phrase "Phenylketonurics: Contains Phenylalanine." Because unless you're drinking the new Diet Cherry Phenylalanine Coke, you're not necessarily going to know that your beverage contains a substance that may cause an adverse reaction for some people. But this bag of pistachios, on the other hand...the signs are basically roundhouse kicking you in the face. In addition to the ingredients line reading "Ingredients: Dry Roasted Pistachios, Salt.", you have three--count them, One, Two, Three--visual clues that the food product you have purchased does in fact contain pistachios.

1. Title: Premium Pistachios.
2. Illustration: Softly colored rendering of pistachios.
3. Actual Pistachios: Transparent wrapper clearly displays pistachio nuts.

I'm sure the nut company put this disclaimer on their packaging to avoid being sued by an "unaware" consumer. But really, if the notice wasn't there and they did get sued, couldn't they just like, I don't know, bring in a bag of nuts as Exhibit A, point out the ingredients line and items 1, 2, and 3, and boom. Trial over. Nut company cleared of all charges. Money-hungry consumer looks like fool.

Maybe it's just me.

And for the record, I think it's ridiculous that fast food places have to put "Caution: HOT" on their hot beverage cups. "What, you mean you guys sold me hot coffee? Why didn't you warn me? Don't you know how dangerous that is? What's next: McThrowingStars in your Happy Meals?"