The first of what I am sure will be several installments in the "Weird Arizona Mystery" category.
The first weekend after I moved to Phoenix, my mom, sister and I went to Ikea. Towards the end of our mammoth trek, we discovered these tiny cacti (cactuses?) for sale. I thought it would be cute and humorously kitschy to have a little pot of cacti in my apartment now that I live in Arizona, so my sister and I bought an assortment of the teensy succulents. Not ten minutes later, I had 20 or 30 teensy needle-like spines stuck in the fingers of my right hand; a bad omen if ever I saw one.
Wikipedia claims that the prickly pear (or Opuntia ficus-indica) is "armed with two kinds of spines; large, smooth, fixed spines and small, almost hairlike spines called glochids that easily penetrate skin and detach from the plant." No kidding. I, however, have evidence to the fact that the prickly pear may in fact be armed with another kind of weapon. A weapon no one ever talks about.
I hadn't really thought about my cactus since I bought it. It simply sat on the shelf next to my couch where, I would later discover, it was spawning its evil progeny. Not until my sister mentioned in passing that her cactus had begun to sprout strange green things did I look closely at my cactus. Sure enough, three alien-looking stalks had emerged from my cheery little prickly pear.
As I mentioned, I have evidence of this fact. Unfortunately, due to not knowing up front that I had purchased a cactus destined to produce sinister offshoots, I do not have a documentary image of the dormant plant. However, please find below an artist's rendering of the appearance of the cactus before the unfortunate sproutings:
And here is what it looks like now, with a close-up inset of one of the malevolent buds.
Is it just coincidence that both my plant and my sister's should sprout these degenerate shoots? Is it some sort of genetic mutation common to the genus Opuntia? Or is it something darker, some great desert mystery shrouded in secrets and intrigue?
Or maybe it's normal.
Strange Wikipedia Fact: prickly pear fruit is called "tuna." Uh, ok.
5 comments:
cactiii.
Weirdness...strange little plants....pretty flowers don't hurt me. However the evil mean construction workers hurt them....sad.
I believe that all cacti are indeed after you and your sister. I believe that they are still looking for me, but I know better than to buy one. Do they really get those strange growy outy thingys? They look weird. Also, word to the wise if you get stung just pee on it, or was that for a jelly fish sting? I can't remember.
B - yes.
J - what?
A - jellyfish.
don't ask questions....just take the motto......The answer is yes...now what is the question!
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